The end of 2021 brought the announcement of huge changes for our family and 2022 saw those changes actually take place. It’s been a lot to process and I recently composed these poems in an attempt to help me think through it all.

Frozen Clarity

A moment- brief, fleeting, past-
The air riven from sky to earth
Everything in perfect, glaring contrast
Frozen for that one, single moment. 

And then the dark.
But the vision still burns.
And then the doubt.
Was it really so clear?

I shuffle timidly into the dark,
clinging to remembered clarity,
Walking by faith- no landmark-
I’m trying to find my home.

Paradox

Six years of memories-
Wheeling like an osprey in a blue sky,
Flowing like a river clogged with ice,
Sprouting like cat-mint everywhere there’s space.
If I grieve, can I be grateful?
If I’m grateful, can I grieve?

Six months of memories-
Swinging like hammocks under towering spruce trees,
Snaking like new wire through the wall,
Collecting like chalk dust in a bowl of water.
If I grieve, can I be grateful?
If I’m grateful, can I grieve?

Six years of memories-
Winding like a dusty, twisted road,
Blowing like a snow drift standing in the way,
Crying like a woman lost in her dark thoughts
If I grieve, can I be grateful?
If I’m grateful, can I grieve?

Six months of memories-
Flying like a man desperate for home,
Sobbing like a child torn from what she knows,
Barking like a dog who knows no peace. 
If I grieve, can I be grateful?
If I’m grateful, can I grieve?

Six years of memories-
Shining like the sun on unobstructed view,
Smiling like friends greeting after a year apart,
Climbing like little legs headed home from a walk.
If I grieve, can I be grateful?
If I’m grateful, can I grieve?

Six months of memories- 
Rejoicing like a mother spending summer with her child,
Hugging like a family seen week after week,
Working like a bird building up his nest.
If I grieve, can I be grateful?
If I’m grateful, can I grieve?

Six years of memories-
Happy times override, yet depression and frustration,
All together daily, yet often all alone, 
Provided for in all things, yet struggling to save.
If I grieve, can I be grateful?
If I’m grateful, can I grieve?

Six months of memories-
Happy when together, yet afraid the call will come,
New relationships forming, yet separate lives we lead,
Unsure about the future, yet provided for in all things.
If I grieve, can I be grateful?
If I’m grateful, can I grieve?

Six years of memories-
A thread of faith and purpose through it all.
Six months of memories-
A knot still unraveling, leading somewhere new.
If I grieve- I still thank You.
If I’m grateful- I still need Your comfort.