Handle with Care: How Jesus Redeems the Power of Touch in Life and Ministry by Lore Ferguson Wilbert

“When was the last time you got a hug?”

That’s a question I want to ask people a lot more after reading this book. And, I’m ashamed to say, I never thought before about how the answer might change depending on a person’s life situation. I get lots of hugs. I hug my children and they hug me. I hug Mr. McGoozle and he hugs me. I hug and am hugged by a least a couple of ladies at church every week. I hug and am hugged by the hordes of family we have close by and see frequently (hazards of being the oldest of 7 married to the second youngest of 6). Each of those hugs communicates that I am surrounded by people who see me, who love me, and who support me. But what about those who are not in a romantic relationship, who don’t have family nearby (physically or emotionally), and/or who don’t have a community? Do those people have a safe place to get healthy, affirming, loving touch? What’s the alternative?

I just finished this book yesterday so I am still processing it but I’ve been trying to summarize my reading to Mr. McGoozle since I started it. It helped me be more aware of some of the things going on in my own life and also connected to some other ideas from other books that I’ve read over the past few years. Interestingly enough it also ended up connecting to a discussion we had with our church Bible study group last night about Leviticus. Here are some brief takeaways/thoughts and a quote:

• The author states a few times throughout the book something to the effect of, “Our culture has reduced all intimacy to sexual intimacy and all touch to sexual touch.” I think there’s a lot to this, even in the church. And it hinders our ability to form healthy relationships. I’m guilty of making jokes about this (“bromance”, teasing friends, etc.). That’s something I was working on curbing before but this is yet another reason.
• There’s a whole chapter in the book about “purity culture” that I found insightful. But throughout the whole book- and, this was the idea that connected most to other recent reads- there’s the idea of the church as a family. We don’t view our family members as a threat to our sexual “purity”. But we make it seems like we view our church family as threats when we establish so many rules about what people can wear, how people can touch, when and how people can communicate, etc. There’s good reason for many of the rules and there have definitely been abuses that the rules have been established in response to. But when our primary lens for interacting with a brother or sister in Christ is through rules about what’s appropriate, do we lose sight of that brother or sister as a person? Do we lose sight of what family love should and could look like? Do we begin to worry more about pleasing people instead of following the leading of the Holy Spirit?
• The chapter on marriage was really good. The priority for both spouses is submission to Christ and serving one another. The output of that rubric will lead to healthy, safe, life-giving touch- both sexually and non-sexually. And the author argues that there should be a lot of non-sexual touch in a marriage. I hadn’t specifically thought about that before because it’s not been a problem in our marriage. But now that I have thought of it… Marriage would feel a lot more lonely without all the brushes past one another, quick hugs, held hands, and brief squeezes that led “nowhere.” I think that also partly explains why I crave a lot more interaction with people and also feel a lot more lonely in groups when Mr. McGoozle travels- I’m missing that comforting, friendship-based touch.
• The author has some interesting thoughts on sexual orientation that ring true in my own life. Basically, same-sex friendships were, particularly in church culture, considered a safe place for emotional and physical intimacy but when that’s the only place that someone “feels felt” it can lead to confusion. If being around those of the same gender elicits feelings, then is it sexual attraction? This certainly is not the only cause of confusion about gender identity and sexual orientation but it’s an interesting take. I think there’s some research that this is especially true for women as we tend to absorb the feelings of those around us more.

We abide in the truth that we are infinitely loved by God and the loving way to interact physically with any human, male or female, young or old, is to care more about the other than we do ourselves. Don’t set rules or measures about hugging the opposite gender or the same gender—view all people as image bearers of the Most High, with complicated and beautiful stories all intended by our Creator to show us His infinite love.

From Chapter Six: Opposites Don’t Always Attract

I love this quote. I want to see all people as image bearers and I want to help my children to do the same. I want my default setting to be, “How can I honor the image of God in you and serve you as unto Christ?” And I think touch does have to be part of that equation. This is a book I’m adding to my shelf.

ebook, Scribd

Bible

We are reading through the Bible this year with a group of people from our church. In February we read Exodus 15-40, Acts, Leviticus, and Proverbs 1-17.

Sojourner Songs: Poems by Ben Palpant

I’m trying to create a habit of reading more poetry. One excerpt I highlighted:

You sat in the darkness of my mother’s womb 
and spoke my days 
one heartbeat at a time. 
And since the day of my birth, 
you have escorted me 
into each day hand-crafted 
affectionately, tenderly, 
gladly.

Hard to Believe, reflection on Psalm 139:13-24

I like this excerpt because it reminds me of a quote from Phylicia Masonheimer, “May His abundance never scare you.” I am so immensely blessed and see the heartache and suffering of others; sometimes I just wonder when the other shoe will drop. Instead of being grateful for God’s blessings now, I begin to fear their loss. The poem and the quote remind me of God’s love and His promised presence in both good times and bad.

ebook, Scribd, 59% finished

The Lost Book of Eleanor Dare by Kimberly Brock

This book has probably been on my to-read list for a couple of years since I saw a review of it in World magazine. I have Return of the God Hypothesis for a chore listen but sometimes it’s just too much so I started this book as a fiction option. I really like it so far and, even 3/4 of the way through, I’m not exactly sure what the ending will be. The book is primarily set in WWII Georgia (US state, not country). A woman and her daughter travel back to the family plantation to get it ready to sell but there’s a lot of family history to confront first. Their family is the purported heirs of Eleanor Dare (of Lost Colony fame) and that heritage comes with a burden of expectations. The most interesting part to me is the relationship between the widowed mother and her coming-of-age teen daughter and how they navigate their own relationship and their relationship to their family history. There are also some flashbacks sections to the life of Eleanor Dare so it’s like alternative historical fiction or fantasy.

audio, Scribd, 73% finished

As You Like It by William Shakespeare

This play should have been on my January book list as well. We try to read one Shakespeare play per school term. Usually, we either read aloud ourselves or follow along in the book while listening to the recording. We listened to most of this one in the van so that wasn’t a possibility so I’m a little lost on some of the side characters’ stories. We’ll finish this next week with the school term.

audio, Scribd, 90% finished

Sing Down the Moon by Scott O’Dell

This is Stubby’s historical fiction read for school. Again, he would usually read this on his own but because we were skiing one day/week for 6 weeks at the beginning of the year I chose to make it a family listen so he didn’t have to read in the vehicle. An interesting look at the Navajo Long Walk (similar to the Cherokee Trail of Tears). I know that Scott O’Dell is not the best source for a Native perspective but it’s the book recommended by our curriculum and I didn’t have time to look on Stories of Color for another option that I had access to in audio format.

audio, Scribd, 92% finished

Carved in Ebony: Lessons from the Black Women Who Shape Us, Young Reader’s Edition by Jasmine L Holmes

The stories in this book are so important. I want my children to know that there have been faithful, committed Christ-followers all through history of every color and gender and many cultures. I want them to know the full history of our own country and how God has used people to challenge injustice. This book has both stories. We’re reading it on Sundays but Sundays are not the quiet days they used to be so it’s been slow going. Also, as much as I want these stories to be told, the writing is less engaging than a lot of the other books that we read so we don’t jump to read this one. I have read the adult version and it’s more engaging but also deals more in-depth with hard topics so it’s not quite appropriate for kids.

paperback, owned, 70% finished

The Warden and the Wolf King (Wingfeather Saga #4) by Andrew Peterson

We are so close to finishing this series as a family for the 3rd time. Each time through has been a delight. Mr. McGoozle and I have had some deep conversations sparked by the ideas and emotions in these books.

audio, owned/Audible, 81% finished

The Eleventh Hour (Secret of the Rose #1) by Michael Phillips

My plan of reading more physical books, especially in the evening, is not working out so well as progress on this book testifies. I’ve read the series before and it’s a slow starter. The author draws a lot from George MacDonald and it feels like a lot of the book is characters having deep theological and philosophical conversations against the backdrop of Hitler’s Germany. All good things but just not something that I’m picking up frequently.

paperback, owned, 30% finished